IMMEDIATELY AFTER CAT 2008.

Yes! I again repeated the same performance as I had given in the last two years. After taking CAT three times, I land up in the same territory. Oh God! When will I get to study in a very good college. Inspite of repeated efforts, I could not significantly raise my performance. :-(

Anyway, I'm not feeling too low now. I need to gear up for the other exams. I can't sit back and keep brooding about my past. I know that I had moved onto become a much more competitive and nice person than I had been 2-3 years before. I understand myself more and know what I want. If God listens to my prayers, he would definitely get me a few calls and final converts. :-P But I have to do my part first.

CHASING A DREAM

I am one among the 2 lac students that appeared for CAT2006. I am in the list of 2.5 lac students that wrote CAT2007. And again, I'm here, writing CAT2008.

How the journey of preparation for CAT is one of self-realisation?

 My major 'intellectual' transformation, if I can say, happened actually during these 3 years of my CAT preparation. Although business is not something people would associate me with, I would want to show how a business with a human face is all we need for such turbulent times as now. After writing an engg entrance exam and not getting into it despite getting a fairly good rank came as a blessing in disguise. I got a good peer group in my graduation and they helped me to start understanding the outside world. I started reading newspapers, yes you heard it right, I never read a newspaper before 19 years of age. It looked like Greek and Latin to me in the initial days, but now it is an integral part of my everyday life. I now can form an opinion of my own on most of the issues, especially that India face today.

 Then I joined TIME to get the training for CAT. Although I've heard many debates regarding the efficiency of coaching institutes, I for one felt that coaching is indeed needed at least to get the initial push. Developing a good rapport with the lecturers and getting into conversations about the changing face of CAT is very much an essential part of the training. I had a good backing from some of the lecturers and despite not managing to get a decent score in CAT2006, I still truly respected the trainers for showing faith in me.

 CAT2007 was very much a short journey with less practice and minimum preparation that ended up in me screwing up the paper. But I still thought that one more try is worth it. So began CAT2008. After a lot of hiccups, I started preparing slowly. Every time I used to make the best of schedule towards my preparation and ended up learning that planning without execution is a sheer waste of time. I understood the flaws in me. I thought my sedentary life style, thanks to the growing IT industry, coupled with my laziness had made me totally sluggish. I had still not overcome this weakness. I learnt that although I can put my best of efforts towards my preparation, I was actually not doing so. I had blamed my work pressure, besides other unsaid factors, for my weak preparation. Actually I was not wrong at pointing out the factors that led to my present situation; I could not still get over those things. 

 It is October now and it is just over a month to go before CAT. Am I prepared to face the challenge? No, sadly. I am on my way of seeing myself losing the same battle for the third time. I have been giving a half-hearted go at CAT all these years. But why am I spoiling my crucial time writing the same exam again and again without being sure that one day I would crack it? I do not know. I had been weak in English. All I could do was to manage to read newspapers daily. I round off the words whose meanings I do not know, but I almost never looked at them again. I did some sectional preparation too. I am 'ok' in quant. All I did was to analyse the aimcats and nothing more. I'm weak in DI. I am trying to practice and analyse the aimcats, which I think is sufficient to see me sail through the main exam. If I can manage to practice a lot in QA and DI and giving a good look at verbal section-wise, then who knows, I may be really ready to face the D-day. 

 But,..... I still can't find myself in the crowd fighting to get into the best of institutes to study MBA. :-(

MY FAVOURITE - ONE AND THE ONLY - MADHURI DIXIT

LIFE - A STATE OF QUANDARY

There have been many trials, many researches, many many studies on what the purpose of our life is, what is the basis of our existence, if there is really a God, why man is mortal, etc. But none has claimed to have cracked these questions. While life is a mystery to many, a joyful ride to some, and a sorrowful journey to others, the very word "life" has not found its real meaning. I get a question in mind at this point of time. Why are we in a constant hunt for the answer to these questions?

Consider an ant. How do you describe its life? Many a times, a painful one, right? We have all heard the story about these toiling creatures. That is, whenever they climb a wall holding an 'atom' of sugar, whatever be the number of times they keep falling, they get back all their energy again and get on with their quest of carrying on the job of climbing. Are they worried about what is the purpose of their life? Some may question that they do not have as much reasoning power as compared to humans. Then how do they carry on with their regular jobs so properly? Don't we have anything to learn from them? Can't we carry on with our works without thinking about those questions for which we may not be able to find answers anytime?

But then what exactly is our job? Is it to study hard during our childhood and then be in the hunt for the best job in waiting in our adulthood? Or is it just keeping competing with our peers right from the days of school till we reach old age or to become a philanthropist and be in the service of others? How do we know which path to choose from among the myriad of directions?

Right from the Stone Age, we have been trying to exploit everything to make the best available to us. If this should be our goal, are the rich and the affluent happy? Even though we do not see the rich happy and satisfied, we still tend to opt for the same path. This has become so natural that no one questions its validity. In the limited years of our life, more so in today's volatile atmosphere, why are we wasting our time guessing why are we on earth?

Let us digress a bit. US has been the most powerful country and unfortunately still is, even though the focus has been tilting from the West to the East. China and India are the emerging players in the world. From a past few decades, we have seen America pressurizing some nations with their coercive methods. They have changed the social scene in many countries with Iraq and Afghanistan bearing the brunt. Pakistan is the next in its hit list. Why is it that no organization can question its legal validity? Do they have the veto to change the course of any nation in the world undermining the sovereignty of those countries? With the ongoing credit crisis in America, the repercussions of which are seen in most other parts of the world, the popular epithet "If US sneezes, the whole world catches cold" lives up to its name. So, it is not worthy enough if every nation is bound by its and only its policies and are impacted only by their procedures? What business has this 'powerful' nation got to destroy and impact other nations? What is legal if it bombs the whole of Iraq and Afghanistan and continues with more such actions in other parts of the world, in the pretext of fighting the "war on terror"?

Continuing with the same idea, many critics have rebuked the phrase "war on terror". They say, we can only wage a war if the enemy is known. If we do not know who the enemy is, and "terror" being a very generic and not a physical word, what do the phrase "war on terror" mean? Most of the West has somehow influenced other nations and convinced that the war on terror is actually the war on Islamist forces. Anytime a terror attack happens in any part of the world, an imaginary bearded figure, looking like a Muslim, comes to everybody's mind. Even when a man with the slightest connection to Islam is in contention for the president post of America, he is confronted again and again for his religious background. But the presidential nominee Barack Obama, with his skill and dexterity, has convincingly overcome all such attacks. With a person like him contending for the most popular political post, there is some hope for "CHANGE", as he openly proclaims. The Democratic nominee, Hillary Clinton also overtly supports Obama to see a difference in the way America functions and to get rid of the tarnished image US got with its coercive policies in the world. Hopefully, if Barack Obama manages to win the elections, the change in White House will begin changes in the entire world too.

Now, why did we deviate from our discussion of life and its purpose, to America and its policies? This is because, the world has changed dramatically in the last century, more so because of America. Starting from the world wars, to freedom of many nations, to great depression, to worldwide terrorism. In this fast-changing volatile world, when we do not know when and how we are going to die, why think about the intent of our existence? Still there are many people who take some extreme steps thinking that if they have lost something, that is the end of their lives and there is no moral purpose left for them to exist. When a student competes to get his/her coveted seat, about which they have always dreamt of, they constantly question if there is life beyond this dream. If this goal is not achieved, if what is left is only the shame of not achieving the goal. How do they then get the proper counseling that dreams are meant to be achieved and that dream is not just one, more and more dreams can be built even if not all are achieved.

According to Hindu Mythology, there are three important stages in the life of a person. They are birth, marriage, and death. While birth still holds the same or more significance in a person's life as it has been in earlier times, marriage holds a divided opinion among many, and death has become graver. The normal life of a person includes education in his early stages of life till adulthood, followed by marriage and employment, and death. If a person leaves no legacy, then the purpose of the life of the person becomes an enigma. Why does God create man or for that matter, any other creature? By a small reasoning, we tend to think that there should not be a purpose of life. Among the many creatures that God has created, a minute percentage are remembered even when their lives are lost. But does that mean everybody should be doing something that will be remembered forever. In that sense, why are we looking at making our lives more comfortable through technological development? These are only making our lives more sedentary, which in turn are harming us in the form of diseases and are killing us. If development is not the function of life, then what is? We are constantly toiling to do things only to come back at the same point where we started. So, where do we exactly direct our energies?

What utmost we can do is to make the JOURNEY OF LIFE a pleasurable one. Be happy and let others live happily. Let us stop any more advancement and instead bring everyone on the same level by wiping out the rich-poor divide. Let us not ameliorate at the cost of the environment and the earth. Even if we do not know why are we born, we can at least try and be satisfied with what we have done for us and for others during our final stages of life. Instead of investing millions of trillions of money into technical and military upgradation, let's channel them towards human well-being. If on one hand the World Trade Center was built, transportation through air was also possible. And the simplest strategy to hurt America massively would only be by destroying its wealth generator. Little did they know that such a move will create much more stronger attacks by America, making the world a deadly place. It will be impossible to perceive that the whole world takes a resolve that there should be no more attacks, no more deaths from lack of food, no more floods and hurricanes, so on and so forth. Not to forget the poor creatures which are dying due to anthropogenic methods. But this is the only thing we should be expected to do. Otherwise it is not far off when the purpose of birth would only be to die.

MY SCHOOL LIFE - PART II

My school was one among the best in an area called Shadnagar, in Mahaboobnagar District of Andhra Pradesh. The teachers hired were good. In my last three years in school, we got the best of the teachers we ever found in school. Three teachers came from Chennai. One was Mr. Kuttappan. He taught us Social Studies. He was not I was talking about to be the best. He just used to find tactics to take money from students. Whether we were absent, or got less marks, or not say the riot learned answers, he used to charge money for everything. Along with him came to more Sirs, one Mr. Anthony and Mr. Suresh. Anthony Sir used to teach English and he was very good in his teaching. But the one who stood out was Satish Sir. He taught Mathematics. He was a very strict teacher. He made us understand and think Mathematics properly. He raised my performance in Mathematics to a considerable degree. I remember I was getting 7th or 8th or even worse in my class. But as my performance in Mathematics improved, and so did the other subjects, magically, I got the 1st rank in Unit Test-4, the last unit test in a year. The day before the report cards were given, I was told by Sathis Sir that I got the 1st rank. And just before the finals my morale was so high that I began studying with extra energy and extra confidence. Come class 10th and I was on my way of getting one of the best ranks in the city. I would also like to add some other teachers names whom I can never forget. Mr. Hanumantha Rao Sir, who was a Hindi Pandit. He liked me a lot :P. Actually he was such a person whom never would dislike. He used to help me not only in Hindi but in other subjects too. He always encouraged me and added the belief in me that I can be the best among the class. He was a true Guru. Mr. Sekhar Reddy, who used to teach us Physics, he did actually? No, he didn't. I disliked his way of teaching and interacting. So, one day I complained to our Father, that he wasn't teaching anything properly. This became a huge news in the school and I was told my Mr.Gopinath, a good friend of Sekhar Reddy Sir and our Biology teacher, that I should not have done that. Actually something about Gopinath Sir also. He was an amazing personality. He was very young and probably studying when he was teaching in our school. He carried his charisma everywhere. Anytime he used to enter in the school, which was most of the time late, not even a single student wouldn't know that he has come. He was also very encouraging. After my Class 10, he insisted me to take BiPC. But as I was more interested in Math, I took MPC. I got the 2nd rank in the city, next to Shabbir, my class-mate.
About my friends now.. they actually were with me almost all the 7 years i had been in MRSVN. I remember Pushpa George, Priyanka, Ambika Priya, Swathi, Karuna, Shiva Kumari, Ashwini, etc.. and among boys, Santosh, Shiva Kumar, Kiran, Shabbir, Appi Reddy, and so on. All are my good friends. The most closest of them were Ambika Priya, Priyanka, and Pushpa. Unfortunately I lost contact with them after 10th, but now I'm slowly regaining contact with them, thanks to cell phones and social networking sites. :)

MY SCHOOL LIFE - PART I

I am told that I used to be a reticent, quiet, and not so studious girl. Well, now I'm a lot more changed girl. My first school was Deepika Memorial Convent School located in a place called Shadnagar, in Mahaboobnagar district. We used to travel by the bus provided by my father's company, then called CEAT. Our journey to the school took half an hour and all of us used to divide ourselves among two groups and used to play Antakshari. It was then the DDLJ and the Hum Aapke Hain Kaun generation in the early 1990s. From here started the knack of listening to new songs and learning them; remembering their first letters so that next time we play antakshari, I will be the first one to sing these songs.
I was told that I never went to kindergarten or went to any school to study LKG and UKG. My mother taught them to me :) . After completing my first two classes, we changed our school and joined Maria Rani Shanti Vidya Niketan, where I completed my remaining schooling. I remember an incident that stood out during my initial years in this school. We had our unit tests and our Telugu teacher was giving us our papers. I had got a paltry 14 out of 25. So, I was beaten badly by the teacher and it had left some marks on my shoulder and back. In the class I was feeling very ignominious. Although I'm not sure whether more students were beaten up or not, I remember having a very bad feeling throughout the day. When I came back home at around 4pm, I was getting ready to get refreshed when my mother saw some marks on my back. She immediately asked for an explanation. I revealed that I was beaten up in the school for the marks I got in Telugu. My father was as well present at home at that time. He rushed me back to school to talk to the Principal and to the teacher. The school was a Christian missionary and had a hostel and a church. It occupied a very large area. Our Principal, the Father used to stay at a house at the compound. When I and my father came to the school that day after the school hours, it wore a deserted look. Our Father was present there and my father had a talk with him accusing the teacher of this inhuman act. Our Father gave us a promise that she will be removed from the school, which actually happened.
I had a small accident during my class 5th or 6th at the school itself. There was a slopy area from where someone accidentally pushed me and I fell down from there. I was rushed to a hostipal and got a few stiches on my forehead. I still have the marks now. :)
In my 7th standard board examinations, I fared very badly scoring just 419 out of 600 marks. I was not reprimanded for this performance. But I thought my parents and teachers expected more from me.